It's an inside job

Humans are capable of enduring tremendous pain. We can go through huge amounts of physical suffering and recover. Some learn to live with and be productive with enormous chronic pain. And the same is true for chronic emotional pain. I lived with a morass of emotional suffering for years, traumatized, depressed, and not understanding the weight of the burden I carried. I was productive. A successful student, I worked, had friendships, and met and married my husband. To others, I was doing what young people did, socializing, studying, working. And I had no idea just how much I hurt.

How would I know? I had nothing to compare it to. Insecurities, doubt, and depression had long been my emotional base-line. I functioned and met responsibilities but now, looking back, I would hardly call it living.

Many others live the same way. Hurting people continue to get out of bed in the morning to meet responsibilities with little experience of joy. It is the myth of Sisyphus all over again, pushing the boulder up the hill, only to inevitably have it roll down the hill again. Where is the meaning?

Meaning is found within, in one’s own heart, one’s own spirit. As I like to say, it’s always an inside job. It isn’t possible to find this deeper meaning if one is disconnected from one’s true self. This was the case with me. I had little idea who I really was. What did I enjoy? What brought me pleasure? What was I naturally good at doing? Could I even listen to my own body? This does sound a bit like “finding myself.” And it is.

When someone experiences sexual, emotional, physical, or verbal abuse or neglect in childhood, that person is thoroughly stripped of the self. The adult who seeks to recover must discover the self anew. “Finding myself” may be a source of joking but the idea is founded in the truth that one’s spirit can be stolen. The questing adult must go about finding this stolen part of the self and restoring it to the center of one’s being.

How to go about such a seemingly daunting task? It is really quite simple. Begin by going within. This may be with the help of a therapist, a friend, a 12-step group, or through the liberating power of meditation. Simply take a step. One small step begins the journey to freedom.

If I can help you in any way on your journey, please contact me at JTuck4400@gmail.com. Blessings.

© 2016 Janet Tuck

The Power of Choice

So there's this cartoon where there is a speaker standing at a podium in front of a large crowd of people. He asks, "who wants change?" Everyone in the audience enthusiastically raises their hand. Then the speaker asks, "who wants to change?" The entire audience is looking down, avoiding eye contact and not one person is raising their hand.

It seems we all want someone else to do the changing. And that we think that what needs changing is something out there, outside of ourselves. I want a new boss, a new job, a new house, different weather, a different relationship, I different congress or president. The ugly truth is that the only person or circumstance that we have the power to change is ourselves and so true change must begin with each one of us.

In his Meditations for Manifesting, Dr. Wayne Dyer says "I know at each moment, I am free to decide." What an amazing statement. At ANY given moment, I have the power to choose!

Much of my life, I felt myself trapped, without choices. I had some vague idea that life would blow me in the direction I was meant to go, without me having much choice in how my life unfolded. This is a classic "victim" mentality and I think very differently about this now.

Obligations often drive us, yet obligations aren't choices. They are something we feel compelled to do and that we have little choice in the matter. Obligations are a part of victim mentality. Allowing obligations to drive my actions is a choice that I make. I choose obligation over my own desires. I choose obligation over what is in my best interest. I choose obligation over taking responsibility for my own life.

I was at a birthday party once, standing with a friend beside the food table. We were talking about another friend of ours, one who seems to have the same issue for years, without taking any steps to help herself. She is a continuous train wreck. My friend with whom I was discussing this was saying that she was really struggling with the constant train wreck needs and I said, "well, why don't you just take a little break from her?" She grimaced and said, "I can't." That is the very picture of obligation. Let us review don Miguel Ruiz here: Love has no obligations. Fear is full of obligations.

What are your obligations driving you to do? Just sit a minute and think about that. Where in your life do you feel you have no choice? That is where obligation and/or fear is sitting.

I see people. I watch them wander, thinking they have no options. Yet, choices are myriad.
The idea that I am a victim of circumstance means that I am not asserting my power to choose. Because I aways have choices. If I do not choose, it is because I am choosing to not choose.

Personal freedom and personal power are in our ability to make choices. When we refuse to make a choice or when we want someone else to make a choice on our behalf, we give away our power.

Let's think about the throat chakra for a moment. This is the seat of personal power. It is our voice. This is where we make our choices and where we give away our power or assert our power. How many of you have had issues with the throat chakra? Asserting the will, making choices, these are the things connected with the health and well-being of the throat and include any issues with the ears, jaw, mouth, neck and shoulders.

What is it you're are waiting for? What is it you think you need in order to be happy. I see so many people waiting for peace in the form of the perfect relationship, the right job, the right location. These are what I call the relational solution, the vocational solution, and the geographic solution. And guess what? Wherever you go, there you are. We must always deal with ourselves. All of those things, the relationship, the job, the move, are things outside of you. The power of choice is about you. What do you want? What fulfills you? Who are you? How are you growing? Choice is about choosing you.


What is something that you want in your life:
This can be about finances, health, relationships, your job, how people treat you, how you treat yourself.
Choose one area. Now ask yourself, what are you actively doing to create that one thing in your life. This is the power of choice. It might be helpful to you to take pen and paper and write down your desire. Then, using stream of consciousness, write down one step you can take to make that desire a reality. Don't judge the idea or consider if it is viable. Simply make a list of single steps that you can take to create your reality.

When I was married, there was a lot of complaining in my home. So I tried to make a household rule. No complaining is allowed unless you are willing to do something about it. It turned out to not be very effective in my household because of what that cartoon is about. But this can be an excellent tool to use with the self. Am I complaining about something or wanting something different in my life? If so, what am I willing to actively do to change my situation? I have the power of choice at my disposal. How am I going to use it?

© 2015 Janet Tuck

Welcome to the Human Race

“I’ve always believed that there was a certain age after which I would be all well and I’d stop feeling as if I’d been abandoned here on earth with no explanation.” –Anne Lamott, Grace (Eventually)

Growing up is a long, difficult process. I recall longing, as a child, to be an adult. The idea of freedom drew me, as well as the idea that I could arrive at an age when I would no longer be confused, when I’d have the answers, have life figured out. This magical time has yet to arrive. I’m fifty-two and I’ve given up waiting.

Once I gave up on the idea of arriving, I discovered a deeper freedom than the one I’d imagined as a child. What I discovered was a profound acceptance of my own humanity. The human condition is, by nature, confusing. “I don’t know” is my favorite saying. I don’t know and I no longer need to know. I don’t know everything, nor do I know nothing. We’re all somewhere in between. Rather than thinking I lack something because I get confused or have times when I feel inadequate or profoundly alone, I now welcome myself to the human race. “Welcome to the human race!” I say to myself. I don’t need fixing. And with that thought, surprisingly, I am free. 

© 2015 Janet Tuck

Open-hearted attitude

The open-hearted one finds peace, contentment, happiness. It seems counter-intuitive because our instinct is often to shutdown, to close off the heart, to protect. But that leads to disconnections and isolation. It is the open heart, she who is vulnerable, who finds contentment in any situation. Vulnerability isn’t just about sharing ourselves with others. It is about connecting deeply with who I am, understanding myself, engaging in life authentically, with no masks, no pretending, no hiding. It is to bare one’s soul, first to self. When we thoroughly understand our own thoughts and emotions, there is no danger. All is already secure. Vulnerability is more about living true than about any danger of being hurt.

A few months ago I was in the parking lot at Trader Joe’s, looking for a space. The Nashville Trader Joe’s parking lot is an exercise in an effort to squeeze far too many vehicles into too small a space. It is frustrating on the best days. The day I visited, the parking lot was its usual chaos. I spied a space on my left and put on my blinker just as a car approached from the opposite direction. The driver approached the empty space and stopped. She didn’t put on her indicator so I gestured to her, trying to question her intention and didn’t get a response. Then I turned into the space and parked my car. When I got out, heading toward the store she pulled up beside me and said, “you took my parking space!” I spoke to her, letting her know that I didn’t understand her intention while she continued to try to argue with me in this very busy parking lot. I leaned into her window, looked her in the eye and said, “I really don’t want to argue with you here in the parking lot and I also really hope you have a lovely day.” Then I proceeded into the store.

In that moment, I felt fully present, fully myself, and my heart was open. Able to stay present with myself, I didn’t fall into blame or defensiveness, paths I have too often followed. It could have gone another way, if I’d felt defensive or taken things personally. But for some reason, on that day, I was able to remain open. This is why I practice meditation and other spiritual disciplines: to stay with myself. These practices enable me to no give myself away in the moment. I can show up under any circumstance. This is an everyday miracle, what I consider a gift of grace, one available to each of us, daily, if we can stay open-heartedly present.

© 2015 Janet Tuck

The Lotus and the Star

Now we turn our attention to the seventh and eighth chakras: the lotus and the star.

The seventh chakra is the crown chakra. It is located on the crown of the head. Colors associated with this chakra are violet and white. This chakra is the locus of divine connection. I like to think of it as the power source, where we can fill our tank with loving divine connection or energy.

The symbol for this chakra is the lotus flower. Think of a lotus bud, opening and blooming at the crown of the head. It is open to receiving divine love and funneling that love down through our bodies, through the other chakras, through our energetic channels. That's why I think of it as the power source. We receive divine energy through our crown and it fuels the rest of the system.

The lotus blooms, the chakra opens, through prayer and meditation. As divine love opens and enters this chakra, it affects our self-esteem, our inner peace, our sense of well-being, and our capacity for happiness.

"The more love we allow into our lives through opening our awareness to the source of life, the more love we will then have to give out in all areas of our life." Ambika

It is through opening in this chakra that we begin to lose the judgmental mind. We begin to accept self, others, what is. This is a state of surrender. We give up trying to control situations, other people, ourselves, and surrender to what is. This surrender comes because we connect to the universe. We are profoundly, deeply connected to all that is through the power of this chakra opening. And because of this sense of "oneness" we release the need to judge self and others. We are all one, after all.

Seventh chakra energy pouring into us pushes us to find divine connection in all that we do. This is very different from connection to religion, which is more of a first chakra function. This is motivation to have a deep, ongoing connection with the divine.

The sacred truth in this is Live In The Present Moment. For it is only in the present moment that we actually experience the divine. This can be profoundly unsettling, as we leave the tribal experience of religion, which defines God for us, and embrace our spiritual truth as we experience it, day by day.

This is seeking union with the divine where we experience the truth that we, as a part of all that is, are a part of God.

When this chakra opens, awakening begins. This can trigger a spiritual crisis where a person becomes aware that their life lacks meaning or purpose. This, in turn, can trigger new fears, such as feeling one is losing oneself. Finally, a person begins to feel an urge to be devoted to something greater than themselves. These three things are symptoms of profound spiritual awakening and a clue that the crown chakra is opening.

Some stirrings might include:
What questions have you asked that seek insight into your life's purpose?
What fears do you have related to your understanding of God?
Have you judged your life as meaningless when you evaluate it within a spiritual context?
These questions can be found in "Anatomy of the Spirit" by Caroline Myss.

A journey of meditation and contemplation lead to opening and new understandings of the divine and of the self related to the divine.

Now the eighth chakra, called the Soul Star and the Seat of the Soul. Color is said to be magenta or white. Located six to twelve inches above the crown chakra, this is where divine light and energy filter down and into the crown chakra. This chakra is related to infinite energy, spirituality, supreme divine wisdom and spiritual compassion. It is the origin of enlightenment, ascension, and the idea of transcendence.

When this is open we are capable of a state of complete surrender and of allowing the pure white light of God to enter our life. Access to this chakra can be quite confronting because it allows one to release old attitudes that may otherwise hold one back. It may be a powerful aid to allow one to make momentous changes in life, in one's way of thinking, and in how one experiences this universe in which we live. If one truly experiences profound connection with all that is, things like the mass shootings become inconceivable and completely intolerable.

Some claim this is the deposit for karmic residue from past lives and the repository for lessons learned related to soul purpose.

I see it as the place where our soul's truest nature radiates outward from us. Our essential essence as spiritual beings. Thus, the symbol of the radiant star.

© 2015 Janet Tuck

Cosmic power centers

I’d like you to visualize a pendulum with a blue crystal on the end of a silver chain. Now imagine that pendulum swinging in a clockwise direction, enjoying the gentle energy of the swing. Now see the pendulum swinging inside your throat, allowing that clockwise swing to activate your throat center. Let’s sit with that for a minute. What does that feel like?

This is the throat chakra, the fifth chakra. If the third chakra is about a sense of self, the fifth chakra is about being true to self. It is the center of personal power, action, and our voice.

This fifth chakra is the most delicate and vulnerable in the human energy system. Think of how often we get sore throats. People who are “off” in their fifth chakra have everything from stiff necks and shoulders to TMJ and earaches. These aches and pains are all connected to that fifth chakra where we can so easily get shut down by holding back.

When we stuff our anger we feel it in that stiff neck. When we hold back our tears, we get that “thick” feeling in our throat.

This is the expression of our personal will. When we make choices for ourselves and take full responsibility for our own decisions, our throat is supple and healthy. And so are our ears, jaws, necks, and shoulders. If our will is not developed, the throat can easily become congested with emotional energy. Some ways this might manifest:

All addictive habits: smoking, food issues, alcoholism, drugs. There is some fear related to expression of the self.

Negativity in the form of gossip, criticism, cursing, and boasting can all impair the healthy throat. Think of how tight your throat feels spreading gossip. Or, for me, when I’ve been criticized, how that tends to shut me down.

The throat is the center of self-expression. It is where our desire to create, centered in the second chakra, gets put into expression. This fifth chakra is where our individuality is strengthened and fortified.

I express myself through writing, teaching, and using my gifts for intuitive counseling. I also enjoy drawing, knitting, and gardening. These are all creative forms of expression that “tell” the world who I am.

The more we allow ourselves a form of personal expression, the more we have evidence of who we are and what our purpose is in being here.

What are some ways you express yourself?

What are some avenues of expression you might like to explore?

Here is where we find the importance of the words we speak. When we speak with respect and love, our throat is open. When we speak with derision, our throat shuts down. This is about choosing right speech. And also about choosing what we allow into our world, the right speech of others. And here we find the power of choice. We always have the power to choose. Do I like the way someone treats me? I choose to spend my time with them. Do I not like the way they treat me? I choose to speak up. The power of choice is centered in the throat.

And now let’s turn our attention to the sixth chakra, known as the third eye. It is located in the center of the brow, between the eyebrows. This is the “eye of the true self.” It is where we have our truest “knowing.” And our clearest “seeing.” The third eye is an “etheric” organ.  It is the organ of psychic perception, it sees beyond the physical world, bringing added insight. You ever know something but didn’t know how you knew it? That is the third eye at work!

The third eye reacts to light, it conducts light, is part of light. It transcends time and space. Light as energy connects with all time and place, therefore, all that is.

This is about seeing. The physical eye sees by focusing. With the third eye, it isn’t so much the “eye” that sees but the mind’s eye. It is not matter that we perceive but light, or energy, which is a way of being.

When I pray for others, I often visualize them being bathed by a column of pure white light. I see the light pouring down over their heads and surrounding their bodies. I visualize the light coming into their bodies through the crown of their heads and moving down through their energetic channel. All of this is an action of the third eye.

The most significant aspect of consciousness at the level of the sixth chakra is the development of psychic abilities. Clairvoyance is “clear seeing.” Directly related to the third eye. When you meditate, if you see lights and colors, or shapes, this is an activity of the third eye. I often feel my third eye vibrating.

What are some of your third eye adventures?

© 2015 Janet Tuck

Listen to your gut. Follow your heart.

The chakras are our internal navigation system. We gain valuable information by paying attention to what we are experiencing in these energy centers. During my last post, I wrote about the root and the sacral chakras. Now we focus on the solar plexus and the heart.

The solar plexus is the third chakra. It is located between the navel and the sternum. This is the chakra that illuminates the consciousness, the sense of self, our sense of power in who we are. Who am I? The purpose here, as we claim our authentic selves, is transformation.

The first chakra is all about the tribe and security. The second is about expanding relationship to the outside world. This third chakra is about identity, about knowing the self, and being able to embrace the self, be in relationship to the self.

Transformation comes as we claim who we are. This happens by the breaking of old patterns and the forming of new ones. We break the patterns of consciousness and behavior that dismiss our self-worth. Our culture focuses on self-worth grounded in achievement, looks, the accumulation of goods, and superficial power. All of these values are based in ego-driven accomplishments. When we look to these external standards, we actually give away our sense of who we are, our self-worth, and our personal power to things or to others. “When natural gifts and talents become subverted into socially acceptable behavior, energy gets locked away and may find instead an unacceptable channel of expression as one either demands to be seen or is afraid to show the self,” writes Caroline Myss in her inspiring book, Anatomy of the Spirit.

For me, it was fear of showing the self that lead to deep depression, self-loathing, and suicidal thinking. When I began to heal this part of myself, transformation happened, and I blossomed in energy and personal power.

Alternatively, when we experience ourselves as we are, we find we are whole, complete, and perfect, just as we are. You are complete as you are. In this moment. This is the moment of transformation. I don’t need to be thinner, wealthier, healthier, less judgmental, more active, or kinder than I am at this very moment. I am fine, just as I am. In this moment. Now.

What would happen if I, or you, started living that way? You are just as you should be right now. Perfect, as you are. I’m fine, just as I am. Sit with this idea for a moment. How does it feel, in your belly?

This is a balanced solar plexus. When this chakra is balanced, we cease giving away our power. We own who we are. We take full responsibility for our lives and cease feeling a victim. And this is a process, this transformation that is riddled with fear. It involves moving past tribal, parental, or familial support, to seek our own truth.

When the solar plexus is blocked, it can manifest itself in disturbance in the digestive system.

Overeating: protecting yourself

Undereating: self-loathing; starve the self

Constipation: holding back, refusing to let go of old thinking or ways of being

Ulcer: eating away at the self

Vomiting: violent rejection of ideas or self

A sense of self, centered in the third chakra, is about a sense of personal power. When we are “in it” we are confident, assertive, proactive, disciplined, excited about life.

When our sense of self is off balance, we are filled with doubts and self-judgment. Our energy drains away and we are in shame. Then we are in a self-esteem and energy drain. This is the feeling of worthlessness and it is centered in the belly.

What do you notice about your solar plexus? Does it feel hollow? Churning? Placid and even?

So, now, the heart. This fourth chakra is the bridge between the lower chakras (the more earthy chakras) and the upper chakras (higher consciousness). It is included in both categories, both the lower and the upper.

This is where connection happens. The third chakra is about connection to the self, about love of self. The fourth chakra is about connection to and love of others, not just people but also animals, the planet, the universe. This is where that feeling that all is one is centered.

This is where joy, bliss, love, and compassion are located. It is where we find release from judgment and where we dwell in forgiveness. It is where we take emotional and spiritual pleasure.

The heart chakra is the pathway to the realm of spirit in which all God’s creatures are one and where love is eternal and unconditional.The heart is cut off when we feel the need to protect ourselves, when we resist connection, when we are in judgment.When the heart is open, relationships, possessions, and work take on a new lightness and perspective.

We become the source of love in our lives, rather than making our outer reality responsible for the love we need. The flow of divine love is in us and through us, in our heart chakras. It is all we really need, after all. The divine source is love. All is one. We open ourselves to the relatedness of all life when we center in our hearts and allow love to flow through us. This is why our relationships, our friends, our job, our living situation cannot give us what we need. We want to look to those things for our happiness. But it truly is the divine connection, this great love, flowing through us that gives us the connection we seek.

People who are blocked around the heart chakra tend to be suspicious, critical, fearful, and negative. They struggle with judgment. Fear is present. And they shut down and cut off.Physical symptoms include heart disease, angina, blockages, fluid. All things that cut off.

Heart opening happens when we spend time in nature, when we choose courage and allow ourselves to be vulnerable, and in meditation when we focus on the heart and the energy that flows through it.

For heart opening meditation, I suggest you place a hand over your heart-space. Take several deeper than normal breaths. Allow your mind to focus on the heart space, resting in the gentle, clock-wise motion of energy you find there. As you continue to breath, keep your focus on that movement of the heart, relaxing into it, allowing your heart to open more and more. You may enjoy listening to quiet music as you do so.

© 2015 Janet Tuck